"My Blood" by Rachel Chinouriri

The song "My Blood" by Rachel Chinouriri has a lot of depression and self-harm symbolism, so a small content warning for that. (Parataxis in italics). I've mentioned that I also struggle with depression, so I heavily relate to some aspects of this song.

The main line that sticks out to me in the first verse is "No, you never learn that this shit never works", honestly the whole first verse speaks to me, but this line in particular really speaks to the constant feeling of never getting better because you just can't realize the severity of how you feel.

The pre-chorus just hurts. Its about the narrator accepting their feelings of depression, and treating it like it's not that bad. The lines that stick out to me the most are "What do I do when pain comes at a price I can't afford? / What if I'm not worth healing?" These two lines hit like a truck, and their relatability is too real. I personally struggle with these kind of thoughts, and I still don't know how to deal with them.

Rachel Chinouriri uses "blood" as a metaphor for a few different things. It can be seen as an allusion to self-harm, but also can be seen as a euphemism for her depression, and how it's everywhere with her. In some parts of the song, it feels more like a reference to her family, and how she's trying to get better for her family.

Her blood is everywhere. Her blood is a constant reminder. Her depression is the blood. The pain is too expensive. She can't escape. The pain is infecting her brain. She doesn't feel she's worth the help.

The ending of the song feels more of a promise to her heritage, as she says "Precious blood." To me, it feels like she's trying to get better for her family. I also struggle with this in a way. I don't want my family to see me when I'm at my worst, but they truly don't know what my "worst" is. I hide it from them so they don't have to watch as I get worse. I'm still going through it, but I try to keep it all to myself, which is also a theme within the song.

"Nobody seems to notice it’s the part that I adore" is the last line in the pre-chorus, and to me, this line represents that the narrator is accepting their depression, and is just so used to having these feelings that they end up liking being like this. They just want to stay in their bed, and end up enjoying that feeling.

This song, and this whole album have been on repeat lately, and I felt like I could talk about this song in particular because of my closeness to some of the topics that the song covers.